New categories for the retired.

Retired people in Britain  – tongue in cheek!

Singles Images – 1. Homeless  – seen sleeping in boxes under arches almost anywhere in Britain, or selling the Big Issue outside Waitrose in the rain. 2. Bag lady – in the rain. 3. Divorced and/or desperate – latter found in clubs and pubs with single sex friends – tend to hunt in packs. 4. People who have chosen not to marry. 5. Gays, not in relationships, obviously. 6. Widows and Widowers. (the order is random)  – Some of this category are featured in The Oldie.   Outcomes – survival and/or anything goes

The wholesome couple – Image 1. Casual – think pics in camping, caravanning and gardening mags. 2 On ong lists for allotments. 3. Eat expensive veggie places, insist on transporting an uncooked nut roast on the bus to her mother in law for Christmas Dinner!  Outcomes – Grow tomatoes in window boxes most of the time.

The optimistic pair.  Image – smiley grey haired people,  To be seen in ads for hair colouring, anti wrinkle creams, stair lifts and walk in showers, releasing equity in their homes and booking cruises with Saga. Outcomes – mainly disappointment!

The social climbers. Image –  featured in those  life insurance ads where a very active couple wander hand and hand into the sunset, the inference being that if you saved hard enough you could become a mate  of Richard Branson.

Many in this category are on committees,  play golf or croquet, read mags that offer recipes for dinner parties for eight, but in truth resort to ready meals transferred to their own casseroles from Marks. Outcome – exhaustion – trying to keep up with the Jones’s or Middletons – sometimes seen with very small carrier bags from Fortnums.

The flagrantly wealthy Image – designer casuals,  anyone who owns a yachtor has their own hot air balloon, call their kids Tulip or Peaches and that’s just the boys! Outcome –  some borrow Cliff’s home for hols, hobnob with Branson, do travel progs for the BBC at our expence or fund all the worlds destitute, by singing or visiting them for mini docs.  Seldom seen for dust in Britain unless visiting ancient mum in a care home or there is decent freebie in central London. Occasionally have their chauffeur park outside Fortnums so they can pop in for a few truffles- laugh a lot… mainly all the way to the bank!

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