Now come on gays, many of you are beautiful, fun loving, non-threatening platonic friends to us warm and wonderful heterosexual women of a certain age!
I’ve known one who plays a harp and another who will dust your apartment for a modest fee and a cup of tea. Others are happy to chat about art and poetry and make me laugh. But I for one can do without your views on how to cheer up a sexless marriage, so I won’t be going to see ‘Hope Springs’ which is partly based on ‘Sex tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man’ even if it is spicy and a bit of a laugh!
Surely the heroine, in the film, Meryl Streep, should have stopped plonking egg and bacon in front of her boring husband every morning years ago! But then its only a story. Or is it?
There must be many a jaded wife out there, who needs to dump routine. Maybe she could suggest instead her guy make the toast and coffee. Then he could call her in the shower, where she is is probably busy coating bits of her body in the breakfast honey and see what happens!
It’s the kitchen that reinforces all that is dull in a relationship in my book. All those dirty dishes and too much time spent peeling potatoes. Potato skins are completely sexless even when they are spiced and roasted!
Reorganising the domestics could well turn a dull sex life around. You could take turns to rustle up something yummy. Even cheese on toast could turn a girl on if he’s generous with the sauce!
So before some of you gay guys get too big for your…………and women queue to see the film, or buy the book (which I am told is more about what turns him on) why not use the dough mentioned in it, for somewhat dubious tasks, to rustle up a few scones? Get your loved one to make the tea, fix the jam and cream, fluff up the rug in the front room, after all ‘hope springs eternal’.
But perhaps all this titillatiion, including ‘Shades of grey, (no, won’t bother to read that either) are just symbolic of this modern age which peddles the idea that everyone else is having a better time than you are!
Lets face it, if we are lucky enough to still have a partner, what’s wrong with cuddles and companionship for goodness sake?